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Comic Con: Watchmen, McG, and Groveling Fanboy Horror Sycophants

Today was day 2 of the New York Comic Con.  There was only one major movie panel this year since the Con fell a little too far from summer this time around.  First up was Watchmen.  Dave Gibbons gave an introduction then showed the first 18 minutes of the film, plus one scene from later in the movie.

The first scene is the Comedian’s murder, and it’s just how you’d think it would be from the trailer, except that it’s a little too 300-y and scored with Nat King Cole’s “Unforgetable.”  The real stunner is the opening credits sequence.  First off, it’s really long.  We go from the Minutemen in the 30′s to the Watchmen (yes, they’re called that) in the 80′s and everything in between, with cameos from David Bowie, JFK and more.  It’s shot in a zooming slow mo/faux- still photography style that really jumps off the screen.  Dylan’s “The Times They Are A-Changin’” works perfectly.  Almost teared up…almost.

The panel ended with Terminator Salvation presented by McG.  He seems like a decent guy, a little too eager to please the fanboys maybe, but not a douchebag.  He would be 10x more respected if he just started spelling out his whole name in movie credits.  The Rock did it and no one complained (not that I’m saying he’s a respected actor now though).  He joked around about the Bale meme and even called his house so he could talk to us.  He got his wife instead and then had us cheer for her to show our “support.”  Not sure exactly what she had to do with the making of the movie, but whatever.  Then he showed an extended trailer with many missing effects and at least one spoiler that everyone already knows.  Looks fine, but the only thing that pleased me about the whole thing was finding out that Jonah Nolan had a hand in the screenplay.  That and the fat guy at the front of the theater handing out armbands saying in a monotone voice to everyone walking in, “Terminator Salvation, join the revolution.”

Between these two was the Friday the 13th remake.  Two LA Guyz from Platinum Dunes introduce the trailer then bring out Jared whatever from the CW and a big tall bald guy that isn’t Michael Berryman.  Then the showed the beginning of the movie, but not really.  Where Watchmen let everything play out, they just cut out any dialogue or character bits and just showed the sex and kills.  And it’s terrible.  These fuckheads have remade The Amnityville Horror, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Hitcher and now Friday the 13th.  All very different movies with different moods, acting, cinematography, even types of horror.  But the Platinum Dunes versions are all the same.  Every guy has surfer hair, every girl is tan, every scare is accented by a loud “boosh” on the soundtrack.

You can tell these two asshats don’t have a single creative thought in their heads, so they hide behind the line “we love these characters and just want to see them come back” while bastardizing the works they supposedly love so much.  They’re buying credibility (even their official website is on Bloody-Disgusting.com) and it’s actually working.  When someone asked why this movie was “necessary,” the fanboys booed.  The very people that love this shit more than anything are somehow rooting for these dicks.  Fanboys are up in arms about any change ever in comics, but somehow they’re ok with endless bad remakes of their favorite movies.  I don’t get it.  There’s a kinda scary bloodthirsty nerd contingent that just doesn’t give a shit what a movie is as long as there are some tits and nice kills.  They got both today, kinda.  The clip started out with a graphic sex scene seen in silhoutte from outside a tent.  When they cut inside, you see nothing.  Flashy on the outside, empty on the inside, just like all their movies.  Can’t wait for their remakes of A Nightmare on Elm Street, Near Dark, and The Birds.  Marcus Nispel is really the only director I can think of that could improve upon Hitchcock anyway.

February 7, 2009 - Posted by Alex | Comics, Movies